You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
