Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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