it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
