I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
