the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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