Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
