The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
