Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
