the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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