Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Come see our sink grown plant.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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