i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
