I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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