after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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