and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
