he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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