I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
