my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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