No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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