make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
