Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
