I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
