The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
