Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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