Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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