I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
