so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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