So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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