I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
