i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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