i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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