two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
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