I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
