at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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