i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize