Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
