Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
