I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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