We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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