I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
