your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
