I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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