i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
