Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
