So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize