Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
