So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
