wat bout pragnant strippers??
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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