I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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