I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
