So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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