Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
