I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
