youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
