You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
