pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
