walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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