Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
