Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
