My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
