You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
