sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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