When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
