There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
