Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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