my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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