i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
