Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
