What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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