he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
