well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
