Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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