Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
