I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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