I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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