good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize