You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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