Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
