i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
