Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
soo... how was my night?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Come on in and take your pants off
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