i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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