My friends, they love my intelligence
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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