Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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