About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize