I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
