you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
