i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
