just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize