My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
