Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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