He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
