no you cant smoke seaweed
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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