we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
