I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
ok first of all what the fuck
We smell like vodka and hangover
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