Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
