i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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