i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
