Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
