Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
