On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Houston, we have a blender
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
