There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
