Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
