I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize