That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
