Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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