The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
