I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
