Are we in a gay sports bar?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
