The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
