he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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