What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
