so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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