you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
