So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize