I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Are my feet made of real feet?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
