Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
