i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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