I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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