Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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