i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
