; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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