He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
